We are all subject to hypnotic suggestion from the day we were born, some good suggestion, some not so good. For example, how many of us were told to “finish our plates before leaving the table”. This suggestion was driven into us many times over years. How many of us now wish we were able to leave food on our plate? We call this conditioning and conditioning happens in many areas of our life. Another way we are conditioned negatively is through criticism. If we have critical parents, siblings or peers we can be conditioned to believe that the things we do, the way we look, the way we talk or even our intellect, is lacking in some way.
This type of conditioning, if it continues for a significant period of time, generates a belief that “I’m not good enough”. This belief we see in clients that have a fear of criticism, fear of failure and/or a fear of judgement, lead on to various types of social phobia including blushing, presentation nerves, exam freeze, nail biting, and ultimately panic attacks, anxiety and can even be a factor in depression. These beliefs have a significant effect on self-esteem and self-confidence.
We often blame ourselves but are we really to blame? This sort of conditioning is generally way out of our control. As a child it can come from parents, bullies, teachers or even siblings. Worst of all, if it continues for a substantial period of time, we become used to it. It becomes comfortable and eventually becomes the norm. So much so, in fact, that as we go into our adult lives we actually seek out similar people to be around. Often people seek out what they are used too. For example, if they have had a critical parent they may well get involved with a partner that exhibits the same type of behaviour, and so the cycle of criticism continues. Then what happens when offspring come along? Do you think the criticism will stop? Of course not. It is perpetuated down the generations. So where does it end?
Sometimes when the self-esteem and self-worth is low enough, or the person has reached the end of their tether, they will do something about it. This is the type of client we see at The Surrey Institute of Clinical Hypnotherapy all the time. By using hypnotherapy we are to change the core belief that “I’m not good enough”. Although not simple to do, it is essential to achieve so to facilitate change in the client, not only now but for generations to come. Getting rid of these vile, negative beliefs that they have about themselves allows them to believe in themselves and allow the thought that just perhaps others can believe in them too. It also allows them to re-evaluate their relationships with others and to decide which relationships are worth holding on to, and which ones that it would be better to let go. After all, if friends, partners and loved ones are continually negative and critical about you and the things you do, are they really being helpful or do they just put you down so they can feel better about themselves? Sometimes they need a wake up call and as you become more confident about yourself and your actions, you start to repel and rebuff their put downs and sometimes it can help them to realise that these types of behaviour aren’t helpful. At the very least you stop taking these put-downs to heart and start to enjoy your life with a completely new outlook. One that is full of promise rather than vile negative thoughts.